


My Prison is Here

by hershpa



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Hannibal's incarceration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 02:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hershpa/pseuds/hershpa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After he turns Hannibal in to the FBI, Will can't stop thinking about what he's done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Prison is Here

Will visits Hannibal as often as he can. Sure, he's a murderer, a psychopath who deserves what he got and more, but they had something. Even if Will is the one who put him in that cage, they had something, and despite his better judgment, Will still cares for him.

Hannibal sends him letters - screened by security in and out, of course, may as well be broadcasting their relationship to the whole institution, but Will can't really mind. He relies on those letters. They're all he gets of Hannibal now outside their short and infrequent conversations and he responds to each one with care. He wonders if Hannibal needs these letters as desperately as Will needs them.

Some nights, Will lies up and wishes Hannibal could be released, wishes he was never put away to begin with. He knows he's dangerous, he knows how twisted it is to want him walking the streets again, but he can't help it. Other nights, when he can recognize the threat Hannibal was when he was free, he wishes he was locked in that cell right with him. If Hannibal can't be out, send Will in. He lies alone and clutches his legs to his chest and wishes for that familiar solid heat at his back, misses the security of Hannibal's arms around him, grounding him, anchoring him even in his dreams.

He dreams of killing now, the way Hannibal did. He dreams he commited Hannibal's crimes, that he framed Hannibal and Hannibal let him do it, helped him. He knows it isn't true, but it disgusts him anyway.

He knows how sick it is, but he misses Hannibal's cooking. He'd gotten used to three solid meals a day, but without Hannibal around to give him reason to eat he forgets and goes days without a meal. Everything tastes bland and meat disgusts him and he finds it's difficult to eat when everything you taste reminds you of human flesh and makes you miss it.

He wonders now how Abigail ever lived with herself.

In moments of weakness, he thinks he should have let Hannibal go. He should never have turned in his evidence. He almost wishes he could get Hannibal out somehow, have him back, psychosis and all. 

And then he remembers how sick that is. How sick _he_ is.

He hasn't gone to a psychiatrist since Hannibal. He should, but he hasn't.

Hannibal tries to psychoanalize him during their visits. It's all Will gets. Hannibal might be worried, but Will can't be sure.

He hasn't really been close to Hannibal since his arrest, not physically. Some safety issue. He isn't allowed past the three-inch glass even to touch Hannibal's hands. It makes their meetings that much more impersonal, and the resignation on both their faces only amplify how separate they are. He thinks maybe, if he could get just one more taste of that heat, if only he could just touch his skin one more time and savor it as the last, maybe he could sleep soundly again.

Not that he ever did, but he did better with Hannibal to ground him than without.

It's after months of starving himself for touch and food, sleeping alone and curled in on himself and more afraid of his dreams than he's ever been, that he realizes.

He regrets it. He does.

He wishes he could have been strong enough to let Hannibal stay.

He needed Hannibal, needs him now more than ever, and he didn't realize it until he'd already given him away.

Hannibal writes him letters, tells him he's sorry he left Will alone and he wishes he could be there for Will, especially in his time of need. He never apologizes for his crimes, never says he's sorry for killing or lying or _eating_. He only begs for Will's forgiveness, for leaving him, for being so far from him. He tells Will how much he would give to be free again.

Hannibal tells him without remorse for his crimes that he wants to be free. At first, Will was disgusted by the letters, but now he understands.

He wants the same.


End file.
